No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
