I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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