The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
