Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize