just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
