We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
