Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize