Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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