Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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