I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I touched a dick in church today
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
