I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
