New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
