I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize