I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
