We won't sleep together?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize