also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
