a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
