i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she peed on how many people?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
