Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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