the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize