I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
