i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Less talking, more tequila
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
