garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
