Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
