Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
