Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize