I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
