okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
