I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
