Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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