We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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