i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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