Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
