Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize