have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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