Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
