You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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