Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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