My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
