Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
