the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
