you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
