i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
