She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
