Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
