...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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