i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
