yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
