so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
