So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
