Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize