Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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