Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
