If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
