If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
