hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
