it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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