How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
