Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
